Quarantine

Things that have changed:

• Wearing masks at work every day.
• Hallways of the hospital are empty now that visitors aren't allowed and many specialties have pared down to skeleton crews.
• Less visiting and game nights with friends.
• Going on outdoor adventures less/never.
• FaceTime with friends is more frequent.

Things that are the same:

• Work hours are the same.
• Daily walks around the block.
• Still avoiding crowds of people like the introverts that we are.
• Brendon still "sheltering in place" in his office daily for quality computer time.
• Still too tired to go to the grocery store.
• Still napping whenever we can.

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But in all seriousness, as the area of red on the COVID-19 map continues to spill across the world, it's hard to hold the panic at bay. When I called my family the other night to tell them about how the number of COVID cases seem to have started their inevitable climb at our hospital, the sound in my dad's voice is what really got to me. As he told me how to properly clean the N95 masks, the correct technique for gowning before entering the room of a PUI (patient under investigation), and how to avoid touching my eyes, nose, and mouth, I nodded and listened. I responded by telling him how the hospital had made us take mandatory courses on everything he had just reiterated to me, hoping to put him at ease. But he still emphasized to me,

"Kelli, this is serious. You need to take it seriously. This is very real."

And that was when it hit me. I could hear it in his voice. True concern with just a trace of fear. I had never heard him speak to me more seriously or earnestly in my entire life. Here I was, and internal medicine resident working in the hospital day in and day out. And despite being in the midst of an ever evolving global crisis, my life hadn't changed all that much. I still went to work, still worked 50-80 hours a week, still felt fairly exhausted, and still used every day off to either nap, study, or catch up on daily life. But I realized that he was right. I needed to be more serious. I needed to be more cautious. I needed to be more afraid. Because this pandemic didn't just jeopardize my own life, but the lives of every single loved one in my sphere. The waves that has been set into motion several months ago, were starting to ripple over into our little corner of the world.

After that conversation, every day when I return from work, I change out of my scrubs in the garage, throw my clothes in the laundry, immediately shower, and don't touch or hug my husband a moment before. I may not have a loved one who has been affected by this, but the thought of losing any of them is now on the forefront of my mind. It's difficult at times to realize the gravity of a situation until it directly effects you. So thank you to everyone who has been so thoughtful, loving, and supportive during this time. Although we may not be able to commune much in person, I feel almost closer to those in our immediate circle. From sharing baked goods, to sending PPE to our house, the little and big gestures have been incredibly appreciated. These unprecedented times have made me truly grateful and appreciative of the incredibly kind, loving, and resilient friends, family, and colleagues that we have in our lives <3.